Hoods in the Woods: NRA’s Restoration Movement Puts Guns in the Hands of Felons

By D.C. Snoopster

The Daily Call (11/17/11)


The National Rifle Association has announced an innovative new program for the upcoming annual deer hunt.

The organization, long known for its outsized prowess in legislative battles from town halls to the marbled halls of Washington, has racked up a number of legislative victories in recent months.

Under its steady hand Wisconsin recently adopted a firearms concealed carry law permitting slightly paranoid citizens to pack heat. A burdensome anti-American mandatory 4-hour training session for permit holders is under attack by state NRA officials, who believe state mandated safety and training are an infringement on the freedom to baring your arms.

If you have a DVD in your home and watch war movies and ‘Scarface’ and stuff like that you already know how to shoot a gun and hit stuff with it,” NRA firearms master instructor Max “Rimfire” von Hansen said, while mopping up the fragments of a coffee mug from his desk and eyeing a still smoking .44 magnum nearby. “Yeah, so sometimes stuff happens with guns, so what? Just goes to prove training ain’t no guarantee things won’t happen so explain to me why a guy should waste valuable time with training.


This year’s hunt features a heart warming NRA program pairing experienced hunters with convicted felons, preferably really violent ones.


I mean, look at me, I actually read a book on guns once and stuff still happens. I think I just need to watch ‘Scarface’ again.”

The NRA “restoration” legislative effort is aimed at knocking down state laws banning gun ownership by convicted felons and getting guns back in the hands of convicted felons and those who have unjustly lost the right to tuck a pistol in their underwear because of mental illness or a history of domestic violence or stalking.

Hell,” von Hansen notes, “Stalking’s an essential hunting skill. Why should anyone lose the right to carry a Glock around just for practicing stalking in their neighborhood? Stalking made America great and free.

Those kinds of nanny-state restrictions are yet another example of the Obama One World Socialist Vegan Government plan to disarm American patriots.”

This year’s hunt features a heart warming NRA program pairing experienced hunters with convicted felons, preferably really violent ones.

Those poor guys have been most persecuted and need to get their guns back right away so we can get ‘em out in the woods again.” von Hansen noted.

NRA lifetime member Otis “Long Shot” Sprungmeyer, of nearby Slumber Hollow, was the first to volunteer to get a firearm back in the hands of a felon. Sprungmeyer took Damien “Sniper” Hollings, 36, recently paroled after a 16-year incarceration on a manslaughter charge, out to a nearby patch of woods to sight in rifles for the upcoming deer season.

Yeah, so Long Shot’s wife, Margi, called me up all upset and cryin’ three days later saying the State Patrol boys called to say his truck had been found abandoned in an old barn somewhere out in western Nebraska,” von Hansen notes with a broad grin. “I told her to calm down ‘cuz I bet those ol’ boys were having so much fun they decided to go antelope hunting.”


The Truth Behind This Snoopster Exclusive - Read NY Times Story on NRA Helping to Get Guns Into the Hands of Convicted Felons and Watch a Great 8-Minute Video Accompanying the Story: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/14/us/felons-finding-it-easy-to-regain-gun-rights.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&nl=todaysheadlines&emc=tha2


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