Dept. Of Much Needed Humor — Lethal Injection Least Effective Drugs Man Took While In Prison

The Onion (4/17/15)

FLORENCE, AZ—Noting that the purity and reliability were significantly lower, sources at Arizona’s Florence State Prison confirmed that the lethal injection compounds given to convicted murderer Joseph Danvers III in the early morning hours Friday were by far the least effective drugs he took while incarcerated. According to reports, the combination of midazolam and hydromorphone injected into Danvers’ veins was of lesser quality and took far longer to take effect than any of the chemical substances he had access to during his 16 years on death row. Furthermore, the effects of the drugs Danvers ingested while in prison—which reportedly included wood varnish fumes, wine made in his cell’s toilet, and heroin cut with powdered milk—were far better understood than those of the cocktail of muscle relaxants and cardiac-arrest-inducing agents administered by the state.

Sources added that compared to the officials who carried out the lethal injection, the inmates who concocted the illegal narcotics were also vastly more informed.

Link to Story


This entry was posted in 2015-04-19, Newsletter. Bookmark the permalink.

Comments are closed.