Dept. Of Much Needed Humor — Congressman Knows Regular Lobbyist’s Order Without Even Having To Be Told

The Onion (3/26/15)

WASHINGTON—Noting that the Valero Energy representative had been coming to his office for more than a decade now, Sen. John Cornyn (R‑TX) told reporters Thursday that he now knows the regular lobbyist’s order without even having to be told.

“Pete always drops in Monday mornings around eight on his way to work—well, you see the same friendly face year after year and you just pick up on what he wants,” said Cornyn, adding that he’s typically already preparing the lobbyist’s usual order of tax breaks and fossil fuel subsidies even as he’s taking off his coat. “Every once in a while, he’ll throw me a curveball and ask for a rider slashing regulations on greenhouse gas emissions, but for the most part, he knows what he likes and sticks with it. The way I see it, folks will always come back if you treat them right.”

At press time, the lobbyist had arrived right on time and was getting settled in his usual seat.

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